


the opposite of loneliness

by ultraviolence



Series: something stronger than magic (past life/Master AU) [5]
Category: Fate/Apocrypha, Fate/Grand Order, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms, Fate/stay night - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Magic, Alternate Universe - Past Lives, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Kissing, M/M, Making Out, Mentions of Violence, Possible Soulmates, Rivals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2019-04-05 15:39:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14047443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ultraviolence/pseuds/ultraviolence
Summary: '“I want to make things right this time. Won’t you believe me, Karna?”'Part V/ending: After things go wrong the last time, Arjuna went after Karna. Little do they know, fate has something more in store for both of them. Master AU.





	the opposite of loneliness

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry for the late update, I've had kind of a rough week and my Arjuna muse has been boycotting me, somewhat. [A song that suits them to a T](https://open.spotify.com/track/3cT01o5ySI6ReZkyEfdzsT). 
> 
> Enjoy!

The dream—the _moment_ —came back that night, slammed into him with the force of a hurricane or a gale, cold and spectral, leaving him sweating in the night, pacing in his living room like a ghost in his own place, his mind kept going back to the fact that _Karna was here_ , that he got carried away, that for a moment he thinks that…that everything was going to be okay, like what _he_ believed. Start a new chapter, turn the page over, _forget_ …as if these things came easy to people like them. As if they were destined for such a thing— _happiness_. Arjuna didn’t dare breathe out the word, much less think about it. He tried pronouncing it last night, and it quivered out in the same sentence as Karna’s name. He had one hand on his face, brought the other afterwards, and sighed into them. 

He knew he would not be able to sleep again that night.

The next day brought with it a gust of rain, and Arjuna received information—through mostly covert but mundane channel—that Karna is leaving London. Before he knows it, he already buttons up his coat and hailed a cab. He wanted to roll his own eyes at not only the clichéness, but the stupidity of the act, because he doesn’t know which airport the other man is in. He went in after his intuition, because a Mage’s intuition, at least, is as reliable as an umbrella in the rain, although it can be quite as unpredictable as the British weather, sometimes.

He forgot when was the last time he did something like this—just jumping into a cab and following where his gut instincts tell him to go, not to mention what to do. He’d never considered himself an illogical person.

When he arrived, he quickly exited the cab and made his way towards the departure terminal for the airline mentioned in the information he’d received earlier, walking briskly through the hustle and bustle of the comings and goings of people, feeling the hum of the magic of the place. Airports and other similar places have their own magic, and a powerful mage like Arjuna could sense it.

He found Karna waiting in the first-class lounge, alone, in all the world looking like an ordinary academician with his cutting-edge laptop and reading glasses, and in all the world acting like he hadn’t detected Arjuna or his presence. Somehow it got to Arjuna’s nerves even more. He bit his lip before taking a step inside the lounge, easily putting a spell on the attendant and the security guard, a simple spell that makes them think that he belongs there. Karna didn’t look up.

“We need to talk,” he said, standing in front of him across the table, secretly cringing at the harshness of his own tone. He couldn’t help it. He wanted to pace across the room, reach over and shake Karna's shoulders to get his attention, and…moreover, he wanted to grab him and kiss him. Arjuna blushes lightly at the thought, briefly remembering what happened between them yesterday, but his determination to smoothen the problem wins out in the end. 

The silence felt like forever, a stretch of time that’s elastic and expanding as fast and as certain as the universe, as if it’s its own Reality Marble. Arjuna’s hand curled into a fist, and he remembered the deep pang of regret, the awe in his people’s eyes when he showed them Karna’s head. He wanted to punch him, too, now, wanted to thrash him, to blemish that perfect countenance of his, anything than this cursed silence, the blatant ignorance that Karna is showing him, not as if _he_ didn’t matter—although that matters too, no one has ever dared ignored him like this—but as if everything that has transpired between them, every word, every gaze, every kiss shared—no matter how briefly—matters not in the small, yet infinite space of time where they’d known each other in this life. 

The silence was finally broken by a brief glance from Karna, and the iciness of it broke what’s left of Arjuna’s heart. “I think you’ve said it yourself during our last meeting, doctor, that we have _nothing_ left to talk about.”

“ _Karna_ ,” Arjuna emphasised, pretty much yelling in his face—he knows the lounge attendant stole a glance at him, but he really doesn’t care—uncurling his fist and then curling it again. “Look at me. I said, _look at me now_.” he leaned down, closing the other man’s laptop and whatever it was he was working on. Karna pursed his lips, clearly annoyed, but at least that got Arjuna his attention. 

“Arjuna,” Karna said, finally, after regaining his composure, his brilliant blue gaze the silence made flesh, “fancy meeting you again here. What can I do for you?”

Arjuna hissed, banging his hands lightly on the table. “You know very well what I came to talk about,” he stated, his gaze locking with Karna’s, “don’t pretend you didn’t know.”

Karna raised his gaze, and there was a certain quality to it—a particularly luminous, scintillating quality—that makes Arjuna wants to shield his eyes, but he holds his ground. “I do know. But you said the case is closed,” he said, and raised his voice a little before Arjuna could intercept him, “and trying to talk to you about it, I met walls higher than what’s humanly possible. So you’d excuse me if I stopped trying to meet your dead ends.”

Arjuna could feel a tightness in his throat, and he still remembered the taste of Karna yesterday afternoon, in his apartment, the way he sat on his couch, their shared tea and the first kiss they shared in his office. “There was something more to this,” he blurted out, before he could stop himself, softening only fractionally, the way a rainstorm does before it started again, “fate has strange underpinnings and I…I couldn’t stop thinking of you. Reconsider your decision,” he asked him, swallowing every bit of pride he had left, “ _please_.”

“I’ve said goodbye to you, Arjuna,” Karna said, raising an eyebrow, his slender frame resting lightly on the couch, “and that’s final. Yes, fate did have strange underpinnings, and it works in mysterious ways, and I believed—used to—that it brought us together for a reason, that this maybe isn’t the first time after…” he trailed off for a bit, his eyes distant, “but regardless. You pulled away. I said my goodbye,” he continued, looking directly into him, “wasn’t that enough? What more do you want of me?”

“I want you,” Arjuna said, pulling himself away physically, but leaving his hands by his side, uncurling his fists. “I want you as…more than a rival. And I want to make things right,” he said, steel determination bleeding into his voice. “I want to make things right this time. Won’t you believe me, Karna?”

“That’s nice,” Karna simply said, pulling his laptop closer to him and opening it again. “Unfortunately, I have work to do and a flight to catch. I’m sure your beloved Association won’t like it either if you spend too much time with an Atlas goon. Goodbye, Arjuna.”

“Karna—“ Arjuna said, but the other man has already turned away, tuning him out, and Arjuna could feel his blood boil, but he merely sighed. “Goodbye,” he said, turning to leave.

* * *

He hadn’t gone far before he could feel Karna’s presence, following him, but Arjuna didn’t turn to face him. It wasn’t long before Karna caught up with him and took his arm, lightly.

“Wait, Arjuna,” he said, his fingers light and graceful on his arm. Arjuna glared at him and shook him off, rudely.

“I have nothing more to say to you,” Arjuna told him, resuming his walk at a faster pace than before. 

“But I do,” Karna called out, and Arjuna could hear him following him, trying to catch up with him. “I’m sorry. You hadn’t exactly been the easiest person to talk to, you know? Like now, for example. Mm, you liked running away from your problems.”

What he said finally stopped Arjuna in his tracks, and he turned around to face him, one hand curled into a fist. “I _never_ run away from my problems,” he hissed, closing the distance between them, grabbing Karna by the shirt. “Imply that again, and I’ll blow your skull off. _I_ came to you to talk,” he shook him, slightly, and the other man narrowed his eyes at him in return, “you told me to fuck off, in not so many words. So who’s running away from their problems, Karna?”

He half-expected Karna to push him away, but he didn’t. Instead, Karna averted his gaze momentarily, embarrassed, before breaking the silence. “Normally, I would not admit that you were right, but it’s true. I refused to talk to you, earlier,” he said, raising his gaze, “however, I…feel like we have a lot to talk about.”

Arjuna lets him off, harshly, and Karna straightened up his crimson silk tie and shirt. He narrowed his eyes at the older man. “You’re finally getting on with the program, aren’t you?”

“I stand by my words that you liked running away from your problems. Oh, and giving me dead ends,” Karna said, stoically, although Arjuna couldn’t help but feel like he was being teased.

“Let’s cut to the chase,” Arjuna told him, briskly, and if Karna didn’t like his businesslike tone, he didn’t show it, “I want to set things right, Karna. I wouldn’t…apologise to you for what has happened in the past, for that is the workings of the gods. But,” he shifted on his feet uncomfortably, “I do mean what I said earlier. About— about wanting you. Above all, I…wanted to be happy _with_ you.”

He shifted his gaze, suddenly finding their feet to be a much more interesting phenomenon, but he felt Karna’s fingers on his chin, gently lifting it up, and when their gazes meet, he surprised Arjuna with the most beautiful smile he’d ever seen. It reminded him of a sunrise he’d seen, once, after a long night of researching and finally hitting a breakthrough. Arjuna wanted to kiss that smile, and kept it forever.

“So do I,” he said, “when I win the Grail, that’s what I’d wish for. Do you understand, Juna?”

“You’re funny,” Arjuna said, can’t help but laughing lightly, touching Karna’s arm, “ _I’d_ win the Grail. I did vow to set things right, after all.”

“Even if that means changing the past?”

“Even so,” Arjuna told him, his gaze steadfast and unwavering. “That would set not only mine but also your karma right,” he continued, “don’t you agree?”

Karna smiled again, this time only slightly, dappled mid-afternoon light on a bright wooden floor, but there was still undeniable power to it, a magnetism that draws Arjuna in and set not only his heart thundering but also his electrifying magic on to the surface. Yes, it was something stronger than magic, something stronger than fate, something stronger than karma, even, that binds them together. There are no words to say, and, despite the public setting and Arjuna’s reservations towards that, their lips moved towards each other, and there were no more words to speak. He kissed Karna softly, lightly, not wanting to let him go, a vain wish in a world ruled by cruel gods and goddesses. 

When it was done, they pulled away from one another, the spell broken yet only temporarily, and Karna broke the silence. “I’m postponing my flight back to New York,” he said, and Arjuna gave him a triumphant smile.

* * *

Their coupling was inevitable. They spoke only of things that mattered and nothing at all on the way back to Arjuna’s place, and once they’re there, words evaporated into touch and the only thing that’s left was to carve prayers and wishes into each other’s flesh. Arjuna undresses Karna first, as they move into the master bedroom, leaving kisses all over his pale skin, caressing his length. Karna pulled him on top of him after Arjuna pushes him into his bed, and they both know this is just one of many. Karna smiled, a sun rising.

“Go slow,” he said, and Arjuna was a slave to his wish.

That night, they claimed each other, and they can’t stop touching each other, each touch a dream, a wish sculpted into the other’s skin. Karna was warm, and Arjuna was glad for his warmth—and company, he’d spent so much time alone that he forgot what it was like to be with somebody else—as they bed down together for the night. He was hostile at first at the idea of snuggling with the other man, and kept to his side of the bed, but Karna has somehow seen this coming and pulled him closer, his body a perfect fit to his, their contrast poetry in motion. 

“Goodnight, Juna,” he said, kissing him by the forehead, and Arjuna had never fallen asleep faster, feeling the warmth of Karna beside him, his breathing somehow familiar, even if this is their first time. He grunted something of a reply before sleep and the familiar darkness claimed him, shifting closer to Karna’s body.

That night, he didn’t dream of the skies churning, didn’t dream of taking the head of someone he could have loved, didn’t dream of his regret, all this time—before this—pressing into the side of his heart like an infection, like a curse, like an incurable illness. 

That night, he dreamt of them, and happiness, that elusive word. He dreamt of _forgetting_.

Vaguely, somewhere near dawn, he dreamt there was a terrible—yet vague, very vague and far away—burning pain on the back of his hand, his left, and he also imagined that he heard Karna grunt, and himself wondering what the pain was and if it was really a dream, but sleep pulled him under like a monster hiding under the waves and it was all gone.

When he wakes up, he was—somehow—glad that Karna was still there. 

“Good morning, Juna,” he said, smiling, and Arjuna gave himself to kissing his cheek. He would give everything in the world to see that smile beside him every morning for the rest of forever.

“Good morning,” he replied, evenly, “how long have you been awake?”

Karna shrugs. “Just barely. Ah, what are your plans for today?”

Arjuna can’t help but kissed him again, on the lips, gently, just the barest touch of his lips on his. “I don’t really want to think about it,” he says, feeling a wicked smile teasing his own lips, “not when I have _other things_ to do.”

Karna’s smile was slow, lazy, like the kiss they shared afterwards, and Arjuna let his arms wander. “I don’t really dream of anything last night,” he continued, landing yet another kiss on Karna’s lips, “thanks to you, I imagined.”

“I dreamt only of the most ridiculous things,” Karna said, his lips on Arjuna’s neck, while Arjuna busies himself with kissing the marks he left yesterday on Karna’s neck and on his upper chest, only stopping to let Karna hold his hand, and he was about to reach for the other man’s length when the vague, burning pain last night returns—

“Juna,” Karna said, concern etched into his face, “Juna, are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” he hissed, his old instincts kicking in for a moment, and he felt a flare of suspicion towards the fellow mage in his bed, but then he brought the offending hand close to his face, and gasped.

There, on the back of his left hand, etched in black like it had been burned into his hand, was three Command Spells. 

The Grail has chosen him.

“Juna—“ Karna expressed, but Arjuna exhaled rapidly, pulling away from him rudely, but in the process caught a flash of Karna’s hand. 

“How long have you known about this?” he expressed, rather harshly, pulling Karna’s hand into view. There, on the older man’s hand, sat a different-patterned Command Spell, but a Command Spell nonetheless. The mark of a Master. The Holy Grail has chosen him too. It was as he’d feared.

“I told you,” Karna shook his head, confused, staring at his own hand as if it wasn’t his, as if it belonged to someone else, someone who wasn’t in bed with Arjuna, “I also had just woken up. I felt this last night, but…”

“I can’t believe this,” Arjuna said, pulling to his side of the bed, bringing his hands to the sides of his head. “No, I _won’t_ believe this. The Grail had chosen us both. We are enemies,” he said. “ _We are enemies once more_.”

He could hear Karna sharply inhale, trying to pull him close again once more, trying to envelop him in his arms, but Arjuna refused, pushing him away. “It doesn’t have to be that way. We could—“

“There’s only place for one victor, Karna,” he pointed out, coldly, turning to face him slightly, “the Grail wouldn’t allow two. And I cannot _lose_.”

Something—like a cloud covering the sun for a moment—passed on Karna’s face, momentarily, but Arjuna couldn’t tell what it was. To his surprise, Karna moved away to the side of the bed, his back to him. “Then I’ll leave,” he said, his tone betraying nothing, and at that moment Arjuna didn’t wish— _couldn’t_ wish—for anything more than to see his face, if it was for the last time, or to feel his arms around him again. He regretted, more than anything, pushing him away earlier. He slowly brought his hands down. “I’ll leave, Arjuna, and we could pretend that this doesn’t happen. Then we could be proper Masters.”

_He didn’t say enemy_ , Arjuna thought, _he couldn’t_. “No,” he choked out, for the first and last time, “don’t leave, Karna. I don’t care about the Holy Grail War anymore—“

“You can’t lose, Arjuna,” Karna countered, cutting him off, shaking his head. “You said it yourself.”

He’d gotten himself off the bed and was fishing around for his clothes, donning them on one after another, and with every piece he found—and wear—Arjuna felt as if they were slowly turning back into strangers. It was barely yesterday that he could bear to say that he wanted to be happy with Karna. He opened his mouth, about to say something, anything, but there was nothing more to say. He bit his lip.

“Goodbye again, Arjuna,” Karna finally said, as he’d finally finished dressing, smiling tightly at him. Arjuna thought he saw something like sadness in the shape of his mouth, in the way his tongue curled around his name, something that swims underneath but never disappeared. Arjuna could feel a tear sliding down his eye, with Karna’s taste still in his mouth.

And then Karna left, as he always did.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Please consider this as part of a larger story. Right from the beginning, I've decided that I didn't want to focus on the HGW, I want to focus on their relationship and relationship dynamics. Therefore, this could be considered the end--or it isn't. 
> 
> Either way, thank you for reading! Comments & suggestions are welcome, as always <3 hmu at Twitter: raginghel


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